For such a time as this.....

There are sometimes just no words to describe events that happen in your life. The type of moments where you whole body goes into shock and you just can't imagine what you just experienced was true. I had one of those experiences a few weeks ago.

I found out one of my college roommates had committed suicide. Now I've known of people doing this, but never been a real part of someones life who killed themselves. I felt so sick and cried harder than I have in a very long time. We were very close in college, faced some tough times and later lost touch for many years and in the past year reconnected thanks to the wonder of Facebook. We would chat and text each other periodically. We never got back to being really close, but I feel really good about the reconciliation that did take place. I'm so thankful for that.

I didn't know, however, that things were really that wrong. We actually chatted the day before she killed herself. I had no idea what she was really going through. I felt horrible that I didn't see a sign, I didn't pick up on anything or even start asking tough questions. Was I not being a good friend? Or did she really keep me (and alot of people) so snowed that nobody really knew.

It's been a few weeks since her suicide, and I've had time to process. Suicide is so strange - you are left with a big giant "WHAT?" with no real sense of closure. Ick.

Oh Barb - I certainly hope that now you are at peace.....