Whatever happened to "cut and dry"?

You know - things that are balanced and orderly. Black and white. A then B. Genesis then Rev. Peanut Butter and Jelly. Peas and Carrots. Sigfried and Roy. Captain and Tenille?!?!?!

I 'm not sure who (although I do have some theories) planted this idea in my head that life was going to be organized and logical. You put in your dollar, and out pops a diet coke. A simple, vending-machine existence that was consistent, dependable, predictable and boring. One long line of Dilbert cartoons and Seinfeld. Stuff you could count on that didn't rock the boat.

I think when I realized I was going to be a pastor's wife I failed to read the fine print. I'm not sure what type of fine print God would write about this profession, but I would bet a whole bottle of blood pressure medicine that it would be something like this:

Things (specifically life, from now until you croak) are going to be crazy and you are never really going to to know what's going on, where you are going and what you should be doing; what just happened will be insane and what is about to happen will blow your mind. Don't try to figure it out, just roll with it dude. Blessed are the flexible, for they won't be bent out of shape.

If I had been given this little tidbit, I think I would be handling life a little better. At least, I think I would be. I wouldn't have had a meltdown in someones living room like I did today. The reality and fruition of faith is just so hard. Trusting what is ahead, not cling to the comfort that is behind, and not being wavered by what beckons from the left and the right are just tough. I feel like I'm on the ridiculous, yet strangely addicting game show, Wipeout. Imagine me running over giant foam balls hoping I don't slip into the mud before I get catapulted into a ring of fire or onto a conveyor belt filled with pool toys. That sort of feels like me at the moment, sans wet suit and safety goggles.

I'll let you know when I make it over the rubber battering ram and safely into the foam tub. So far, I'm stuck in the middle of the obstacle course wondering where the ladder is.